Inspiration

"People inspire you, or they drain           you – pick them wisely."                  – Hans F Hansen

Lately I haven't been feeling very inspired (one of the main reasons I haven't posted anything in a few days). I have tried to write well developed ideas on what I've been thinking lately but the result hasn't been the best. I've been feeling awful scattered lately. Like my mind can't string together more than a few sentences before it loses interest. For example, enraged about the pressure school is raining down on me I attempted to write about it:          

              Here's to the AP kids

        It's really easy to find yourself feeling that you are alone in those world. If you don't talk to people and those people don't open up to you, you would just have no idea what they are thinking or feeling. 

        Sometimes it seems like everyone else can do it all and you just can't. Balancing your grades, sports, family, and friends. It just seems so incredible impossible. 

       The pressure seems endless. Right now it's only high school and those damn AP classes, then it will be applying for colleges. I'm just not sure how I will be able to cope if I don't get accepted into a college I apply to. Then what if I get into great college? I will need to graduate and do great things. Who even gets to decide if those things are great? What if I can only do mediocre things? 

        If I wasn't afraid enough already, here comes my fear of living only averagely my entire life. 

And then, I started thinking about all the homework I needed to do, tests I need to ace, and felt like there was just so much to do that I ended up doing nothing at all except sleeping.

 

And... 

While in my English class I was so incredibly annoyed of the lack of effort given by the teacher I pulled out my phone and begin to type:

 

                My English Class

        As if school didn't already waste precious time there is one class that has broken a record for the biggest waste of my time. Normally English is my favorite class, and having such an amazing teacher last year, this year I am nothing short of disappointed. 

       The semester is quickly coming to a close and if I were to be told to summarize the activities and what I have learned in this class I would only be able to list this: movies, notes, ???. 

        This equivocates to doing absolutely nothing of value or worth each day. I sit in the back of the class room facing an unorganized board that tells as much as Chinese letters do to a Japanese man; which angers me as much as the man who was last to find out the Arkduke Fernandid was shot.  

Then, I decided in defiance that if she wasn't going to put effort into being a good teacher then I wouldn't put effort into being a good student, and promptly stopped typing. 

I very much would have liked to elaborate and finish these ideas, but I'm afraid I have missed those trains of thoughts. For now, I will wait for the next train to come along.

 

A fun fact: I've always particularly like trains. There's an idealizing grace about their importance in history and ingenuity. 

Coming back to the original topic (See? I'm scattered and off track), I find that of all things people are what give and take the most inspiration from you. I have those friends who give me inspiration and by interacting with them I feel more and more energized, ready to take on the world. Then, I have those friends that by being with them means I lose all energy and end the day being mentally exhausted. The ironic thing of all, having said this is that as soon as I think I have it all figured out as to which friends drain me and which friends inspire me- they mix themselves up. The beauty of friendship.