Hate

Are you the type to say that one should keep all emotions bottled up inside? Would you have the audacity to tell someone to their face you hate them? Or are you somewhere in between?

I am most definitely the person in between. That's why today when a girl in my math class said "I'm not nice to people I hate" the only thing I could muster out of my mouth was "Yeah well you're kinda a jerk" Kinda? What was I thinking? That wholeheartedly did not express my feeling toward her. I do not hate her, but surely I could have come up with a more colorful word than "jerk".
Aw well. A lesson well learned. I need to work on my confrontational skills. My tongue ties itself in knots weaving through all the possible words I am thinking and I don't get the chance to say what I really want to. Perhaps it's for the best.
I would have liked to say asshole instead of jerk. But what's the difference? My ability to cuss shows nothing to prove I am not worthy to hate nor that she is worthy of being an asshole. Cussing only runs circles around emotions. I try to refrain from, but usually am lost as soon as I am angered.
 I'm not mad she hates me. She's allowed to feel how she wants. I do not think I did anything to be hated for, but that's just me of course. I don't hate her. In the least bit. I'm only more annoyed at this reoccurring situation. It's a weekly matter I have to confront with words and daily with eyes.

Hate is a funny thing. And this is only one kind.