I was thinking in the shower earlier about not being successful enough to cut ties with anyone. You can't burn bridges and leave yourself stranded on an island unless you have created a sustainable life for yourself on that island. Then I thought about some of the bridges I've already burned and wished someone had taught me this earlier. Then I sort of realized, someone did- I was just too stuck in my head to really hear them.
It brought me back to emailing a past teacher of mine just a few weeks earlier. I hadn't entirely agreed with this teacher nor with their tactics in the classroom, but after getting out of the fishbowl high school (and my hometown for that matter) I realized my teacher wasn't my nemisis and they weren't completely wrong about a lot. And actually, I realized that the biggest problem with their message, was most the delivery.
So at first it felt like I had just gone back on every thought and moral I practiced and preached in high school, but then it didn't feel like a big deal at all. One email wasn't admitting defeat, or giving the white flag- it was just exactly what it was, an email. I was keeping the channel of communication open, and that felt like a very adult thing to do.
Next thought whilst shampooing my hair: Socialism. My sophomore year of high school in my history class I learned a profound lesson that I know I won't ever be able to forget. Socialism/ Marxism is basically the form of government where the idea is that there is no social/economic/political pryamid, right? You collect 3 pieces of wood, he collects 7, and she collects 20 - you all get 10 pieces of wood to burn. Fair/unfair- isn't what I mean to discuss. Ironically it was the delivery of the lesson that is what i was thinking about. It was a simple game- rock, paper, scissors: to the death. In a classroom of 36 kids some had 5 tickets, some had 2 and some had none. You pair up, play one round of rock paper scissors and winner takes all, loser is out. Grand prize: extra credit. Let's take note that this is one of the 3rd most difficult AP class on campus. First round comes and I pair with my good friend we'll call Zach. Rock, paper, scissors I lose. But with a pleaded look and strong history of friendship between us Zach doesn't take my tickets, instead he let's me pretend i never actually lost. Can you say a true friend?
Rock paper scissors a few times later and I have ended up with all the tickets. Each worth 5 extra credit points. No math needed- that's my A for the rest of the semester. I've never been close to tears of joy before that point in my life. (honestly, how sad is that?) Ecstatic, I can't think of anything other than my future grade for the class, even when reality hits and I feel that i'm in a sea of envious and angry eyes my happiness is not shaken. It's not until I see Zach shaking his head at my with smile that was filled with the secret of my success that I remember I cheated my way to victory. (Don't worry cheaters never prosper) I began to count the tickets. I was prepared to give each of my classmates a ticket and keep whatever was left. Suddenly the sea of eyes were a lot more forgiving. However before I could share my wealth my teacher informed me that I in fact had no wealth to share. The tickets had no value- they were only part of an exercise. Sigh. In hindsight the knowledge was worth more than the extra credit. You can't be hasty when you win. Could you imagine if i decided to keep it all to myself and then it was revealed my gluttonous act was worthless? I'm not sure I would have friends.
Next thought: more classroom games. This time AP economics. It was your classic classroom jeopardy game with my group vs just one other group in the tie breaking question. I think prize was either candy or extra credit (i cared a lot less this time- senioritis). When the last multiple choice question was put on the board none of the people in my group knew the answer. My best guess was B. Zach who was in my group wrote it on our board. Then i witnessed him ask his friend we"ll call Caroline who was in the opposing group what the answer was. She replied "D" so he quickly changed our answer to D. I was skeptical but i didn't say anything because I wasn't entirely sure myself of the real answer. When time came to hold up our boards, our read D and their's read B. The correct answer was... B. Zach looked so betrayed. Caroline laughed, and I did too but I think we laughed at different things. Man, cheaters really do never prosper. So again, technically I lost, but did I really lose? You can't always be so trusting, especially in high stakes situations like this.
As much as I was an angst filled student in high school ready to scream about the stupidity of the education system to anyone who would listen, I did learn a few lessons for the road here and there. I'm starting to really understand them now and I'm grateful for at least that much.
